“Stop playing with your food, I’m not telling you again!” Mrs. Alice Band shot an angry glance across the kitchen table.
“I’m not playing, Babe. I’m just trying to …erm…soften up the merchandise,” her husband Dylan said. He tapped the dish in front of him with the back of a spoon. “Who’d have thought she’d be so…”
“Sinewy and middle-aged?” suggested
“”Fit and healthy! She’s an exotic dancer, actually. Naturally she’d be covered in muscles wrestling that huge snake every night.” Dylan tickled the writhing body in front of him. “Oh look, she’s woken up!”
“Exotic dancer, my foot! You’ve picked up an ageing stripper from that club down by the river!”
“I wasn’t drunk, Babe…honest…not as such. Just tired, you know…a hard night’s hunting… I came across her when I …erm…after the gig had finished, the boys and I went for a drink. It was Rob’s birthday, what could I do?” Dylan risked an anxious glance at his wife. In an effort to appease her, he grabbed the breakfast dish by the ankles and tied up her legs with a tea towel.
“Good morning,
“I think I’ll give breakfast a miss, Mum. I don’t much care for …wrinkly food.”
The woman was making gurgling noises now. Dylan had gagged her with one of his socks. He had secured the sock with one of the dancer’s own fishnet stockings, fastening the garment with a knot at the back of her platinum blonde head.
“It’s not what my school friends would get for breakfast, that’s for sure!” Darren won’t touch anything that isn’t organic!”
“I know what you mean, darling … there’s way too much face powder and rouge. It can’t be healthy! Perhaps some left-over from yesterday? Do you fancy a slice of that young German tourist we had for dinner?”
During the summer pickings were rich, with so many tourists visiting the charming
“I think I’ll be turning in now, Babe. I’ll have my breakfast later, if you don’t mind. Just leave it in the larder.” Dylan yawned. He tickled the dancer’s well-toned belly and stood up to leave the kitchen. On his way upstairs he usually picked up his 12-string guitar to play a tune before bedtime, but today he seemed preoccupied and anyway, the guitar was not in its usual place.
“Not so fast, lover-boy. Do you really think I’m going to store THAT in the larder for your amusement later, when I’m asleep upstairs?”
The dancer’s wide eyes stared up from the table, clearly hoping to catch a glimpse of pity in
Dylan shrugged his shoulders, ran his fingers through his long brown hair in a distracted, careless way and blew a kiss at his wife. With a final have a nice day at school, Princess he left
“MUSICIANS!” said
She imagined how Felicity Henderson’s father would hold her a lecture across the breakfast table, reprimanding his daughter for only achieving a satisfactory in her last essay. Felicity’s exceptional school record had taken a nose dive of late. Ever since
A thumping noise coming from the cupboard under the stairs startled
“I’ll be back around 6pm today, Mum. There’s an after school activity, which I’d like to go to.”
“Oh, what activity would that be? Not more Kipling readings, I trust?”
“Nah, no poetry this time, don’t worry! Our teacher is planning a trip to the Natural History Museum in
“I’m sure I could think of something!”
School was uneventful except for Darren calling Felicity an interfering busy-body, when she’d pestered
Eddie sat in front of the house on his dilapidated garden bench and sipped his afternoon grog. His tousled grey head gave her a friendly nod when she came running up the garden path.
“Everythin’ went accordin’ to plan. Delivered the message, just as you asked me to. I wasn’t followed and she didn’t suspect anythin’. Eddie’s wrinkly face burst into a lop-sided smile. He made room for her on the bench and she threw herself into the seat next to him.
“Great! Now we’ll just have to wait. At 5pm we’ll go down to the old barn and see if she fell for the note.”
“Oh, you know…the usual type. Dyed hair, too much red lipstick and if that was a dress she was wearin’ …well, I know I’m old fashioned …but I reckon that girl’s goin’ to catch a cold in that skimpy outfit!”
Dad had never used cheap soap. Dad smelled of sandalwood, cinnamon and centuries of expensive tobacco. She closed her eyes and saw his long hair sleeked back with gel and his slim manicured fingers strumming his beloved guitar, a dusty bottle of wine on the piano next to him.
Her vampire nostrils told her that Eddie wasn’t taking particularly good care of himself with respect to personal hygiene. Intuition told her that he was scared of the future, old age and loneliness. Dad on the other hand positively reeked of confidence, courage and a gifted musician’s arrogance. When Dad entered a room, all eyes were on him. Eddie crept in and out of rooms, disregarded, an invisible old man in a shabby grey coat.
“Come, it’s time to go. Can you manage with your leg?”
“Still a bit sore and bothers me in this damp weather, but I’ll manage. Thanks for askin’ though.” Eddie got up and had to lean hard on the back of the bench for a moment, the tiny white clouds coming a bit faster and shallower this time.
They arrived at the old barn a little after 5pm. Eddie had brought an old lantern and they risked lighting it, once they were inside the barn.
“It’s one of Dad’s. He collects all sorts of old junk.”
“Ready?”
“Damn hay ticklin’ a man’s extremities when he can’t defend himself.” She heard Eddie curse as he tried to get comfortable.
“Shush, someone’s coming! Put the light out!”
“Hello? Is that you, tiger?” A girl’s voice called out in the dark. “Sorry I’m late. A bit difficult to walk across the field in these heels. You’re not cross, honey-bunch, are you?”
Eddie had not exaggerated. The girl’s bleached hair stood in stark contrast to her cherry-red lipstick. A cloud of cheap perfume wafted over to her when the girl turned to reach for the bottle of wine.
“Are you hiding upstairs, tiger? It was sweet of you to send a note via that pensioner. My boss never suspected a thing. I just said I had to take care of my poor old relative who’d come for a day‘s visit from the nursing home. The old skinflint let me go half an hour before closing time. Unheard of! You bring me luck, you do.”
A rustling noise from upstairs cut short her chatter.
“There you are my tiger! Come to your sweet Tiffany. Don’t be shy and let me kiss you,” the girl purred. She got up and threw her arms around the stranger’s neck.
“NOW, EDDIE!”
“What the hell are you doing here, Princess?”
“WHAT AM I DOING HERE? What about you … and Miss Tight T-shirt 2009 hanging from your neck, Dad?”
“I saw the light and came here looking for you. Your mother is worried sick about you!” Dylan said, putting an astonished Tiffany firmly aside.
“Pull the other one, Dad! I saw you last night going into the barn with Tiffany Trollope here and this morning, a totally different platinum blonde was lying on our breakfast table. You didn’t meet this girl for culinary reasons, Dad. You were planning to …yuk … you were going to snog her!”
“I warned you not to play with your food, Dylan. You’ve caught your last Blondie-mouse. The game is over, tiger.”
“Will anyone tell me what’s going on here? Who are you people?” Tiffany’s voice had become shrill.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know my husband, little one! The songwriter with a blonde in every dressing room and a bimbo in every barn? How could you not know him? He advertises his services so well! Hands off, he’s MY TIGER …about to be skinned alive.”
“Listen lady, I’ve never met your husband until just now, when the old pervert up there tried to take our picture. If you’re so worried about your bloke, perhaps you should take better care of him?”
“I swear to you on our daughter’s head that I’ve never seen this girl before.” Dylan interrupted, gazing at his daughter with a look of infinite sadness. He tried laying his hand on
“Liar! Eddie gave Tiffany a note asking her to meet you here.”
“Princess, you don’t understand. Just let me explain –“
“Don’t bother, Dad! I HATE YOU!”
“
“It seemed such a good idea … taking a picture of them … telling Dad never to see that little troll again or I’d tell Mum. Oh, what a mess …I’ve made everything worse!”
“You weren’t to know that your Mum would follow your Dad. She’s usually asleep at this time of day, you said.”
“Oh Eddie, she was so worried, I saw it in her eyes this morning. Dad goes through these funny phases… Mum must have suspected…”
“Thought you couldn’t take pictures of vampires? No reflection?” Eddie tried to distract
“There would have been a photo of the girl though …with Dad’s guitar lying there and … sometimes …if you catch us unawares … in the dark like …you can see an outline of a vampire.”
“Hence the 1950s camera with a huge flash light?”
“Yeah. I feel so ashamed, Eddie! The way Dad looked at me just now … he must be so disappointed in me.”
“Not really my place to say but … I reckon your Dad is a bit of a fool. Such a beautiful wife and daughter who love him … a comfortable home…” Eddie’s voice trailed off.
Darren’s parents were divorced. Darren never got to see his dad. He’d moved away and had written a letter to say that he couldn’t cope seeing his son just during the holidays. He’d sooner give up seeing his son all together than suffering the separation at the end of each summer.
“He seemed genuinely surprised though,” Eddie said to break the silence.
“You bet he was surprised at having his cuddle interrupted like that!”
“No, I mean he was surprised at seein’ the girl. Like he’d never clapped eyes on her before –“
At that moment a scream pierced the night and put any thoughts of guilt out of
“Ouch, my head …I duelled with Casanova! I beat Mozart in a marathon piano recital and I escaped the Spanish Inquisition …only to be defeated by a shop girl! How humiliating!“ Dylan mumbled when he regained his senses.
Tiffany sat on his chest and held the business end of a broken broom handle over his heart. Dylan remained very still, his eyes signalling to
“Tell them!” Tiffany demanded.
“I tried, they won’t believe me.” Dylan squirmed under the sharp spike pointed at his chest.
“Tell them or I’ll stick this thing into you, I swear! My Gran warned me some axe murderer was roaming the country side …. What with all those people disappearing at the cosmetics lab and the vicar vanishing without a trace. I laughed at her, told her not to believe everything she read in the papers. Axe murderer indeed! Look at me … I’m arguing with a bunch of vampires!” Tiffany was furious. Her romantic evening had been ruined. She had been half strangled by a jealous wife and had almost snogged a 400-year-old bloke.
“Fine! I’ll tell them …I’ve never met you before today … but I did know that you were going to be here tonight, because Rob asked me to give you a message. The message said: GET LOST!” Dylan heaved a sigh. “Happy now?”
“I’ll be happy when you and your banshee wife are a pile of dust!” Tiffany pressed the stake firmly into Dylan’s shirt.
“Rob?” asked
“Princess, he’s been using this barn for his secret meetings with Tiffany, so her husband wouldn’t find out they were seeing each other! Tiffany clearly thought your note was from Rob! Do you think we could discuss this later? Perhaps you could … erm …get your mother to squash this insect on my chest?”
“It was you I saw going into the barn last night, Dad. I’d know your green coat anywhere. It’s got that embroidery on the back, remember, the one Mum did for you … and that’s your guitar over there!”
“Princess, Rob borrowed my guitar to impress the girl. I swapped my coat with him last night so I could –“
“So you could do what exactly?”
“…so I could follow you unnoticed, Babe!
“After 200 years of marriage you think that of me? You still don’t really know me, do you?”
“The new shoes … that tight dress … and your hair looks different, too –“ Dylan said and Willow saw that he instantly regretted having drawn attention to his wife’s hair, which stuck out from under the netting and looked as if it was covered in bird droppings.
“Oh darling, how could you think such a thing! I’ve been working at the petrol station. My shift starts at 9pm …we were so short of cash …I was ashamed to tell you … working like a human … with a social security card and a family health insurance plan!”
“How very touching! Who cares what you’ve been up to, Toothy! I reckon the local police will be pleased to get the killers of all those people. Let’s say I dust your husband and then hand over you and your child in exchange for the reward being offered by the cosmetics company?” Tiffany threatened.
“You’d have to get past me first, Goldie Locks.”
“Hah, you reckon? By the time you’ve staggered over here in your fishnets, your husband will be ready for the vacuum cleaner!” Tiffany raised her arm as if to bring down the stake.
“Leave my Dad alone, you … you underdressed shop dummy!”
“Goodbye my little Princess, goodbye dearest Alice, love of my after-life!” Dylan closed his eyes and awaited the blow.
“Don’t hurt him, I beg you! My darling, please forgive me for suspecting you.”
Part of her wanted to throw her arms around her parents. She wished for them all to go home and be a family again. But another part of her, the more grown up part perhaps, decided to leave her parents alone in the barn.
“I love you, Dad.”
“I reckon they’ll be fine now, Eddie. They’ve got candle light, a comfy bed for the night …something to eat and drink.“
She turned and promptly fell over something large lying on the ground. It was Eddie.
The excitement of the events had been too much for him and he had collapsed. His eyelids flickered and he was very pale. His breath was hardly making clouds at all now.
“I’m taking you to a doctor. Just hang on in there, Eddie, just hang on!”
“Leave me be, girl. Time to say goodbye, I reckon.”
“No way, Eddie! You have to go into hospital … they’ll make you better!”
“No point takin’ me to hospital. A useless old man, a convict, a murderer. They won’t bother with me. Just take me back to the house, there’s a good girl.”
With an effort Eddie lifted himself up and supported by
She had forgotten the snake lady!
“Used to work for a magician. The Great Zeppo made me squeeze myself into all sorts of tight places on stage.” Rita Ramona explained, once
Rita was busy surveying the damage to her fishnets, when Eddie regained consciousness and groaned again. “What’s the matter with him? Is he another one of your lunatic family?” Seeing
“Yeah, Granddad’s unwell but he refuses to go into hospital. I’ve kept him warm but I don’t know what else I can do.”
“Leave him to me, ducks. I used to be a paramedic.” Rita gently pushed
“I’m sorry, duckie. I don’t think he’s going to make it through the night without a doctor. He’s had a stroke. You’d best say your goodbyes as soon as. I’ll stay with you until … well, until he goes to sleep.” Rita put her arm around
“But he can’t die, he just can’t! He’s my friend and I … Willow swallowed hard and bravely carried on: “I love him!”
“Thank you for … taking me home.” Eddie whispered and closed his eyes.
THE END.
One minute you're happily planning a day out with your friends and the next thing that happens is some doctor tells you, you've got breast cancer! "If you love him" is dedicated to all my friends in Cardiff, without whose kindness I'd never have survived. If you love somebody, TELL THEM NOW - later might be too late. So this is it: I love you, my real-life little vampire family and Rachel, Kieron, Gemma, Marilyn and Zoe.
Fans of Willow can find more of her stories on http://willow-the-vampire.com - My pen name is Maria Thermann. Happy reading!Authors comment
All rights belong to its author. It was published on e-Stories.org by demand of Maria Thermann.
Published on e-Stories.org on 11/22/2009.
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