Stephanie Fuchs

Before you leave again

Careful you disappeared by the back door,
leaving no traces of your existence.
Later, I could still smell you;
and laughed.
It felt so much easier to hate
the feelings I had once loved so much.
 
Sometimes, at night,
the intruding silence hit me.
For a second only,
and just to remind me of all the promises
you never gave
and never kept.
 
Then I got up,
and stumbled over your black socks.
As if you were still there.
As if I would be expecting to meet you
around the corner.
Sleeplessness forced me to admit
that all that’s really left
were holographic memories
on empty space.
 
“Having lost pictures of you
makes me stronger”,
I told the walls.
I had a dream of
tearing them down.
Maybe tomorrow.
 
Tomorrow never came.
I painted a picture of all the debris,
and imagined myself,
being no longer covered by it.
Imagined a girl
able to rebuild another symbol of
a perfect universe.
 
When you entered again through the front door,
you found me covered with ashes,
but you didn’t notice the debris.
And you searched my face in vain
for teardrops.
 
“You seem fine”,
you said.
And I smiled the way
I had been taught to.
 
I am about to rebuild this house,
and I’m mad enough
to take new pictures of you.
 
You do not love me.
But even if you don't
I am nevertheless
madly in love with you.
Just as long
as it lasts
before you leave again.
 

All rights belong to its author. It was published on e-Stories.org by demand of Stephanie Fuchs.
Published on e-Stories.org on 07/20/2005.

 
 

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