Kat Mirabile

I hate my brain

I hate my brain

I hate what it does

I hate all the thoughts and the constant buzz

I just want some rest and peace and quiet

A break from anxiety’s raging fires

I want it to shut up and go to sleep

But the constant thoughts that sting like bees

Won’t let me relax and float away

To the land of dreams where it’s all okay

So I lay here, my heart loudly beating

Heavily breathing, in my head screaming

But no one knows, and I’d never tell,

Because I’ve been doing so well

I’ve been with friends and laughed and smiled

Haven’t done “the things” in a while          

I’s alright, I’m okay,

Okay

I’m okay, I’m okay, that’s what I always say

Dammit, why am I not okay?

Is it going to be bad again,

Am I going down that road again

Will it all be for nothing... again?

Will I have to run another lap

On the Devil’s hellish track

 

I hate my brain, but I don’t want to

All these places, mind spaces I can’t go back to

I hate my brain, and I feel helpless

But I can’t tell anyone, that’d be selfish

I’d just ruin the mood, make them feel bad

And anyways it’s just in my head

I should just stop and think happy stuff

And I’m probably just making it up

I just want attention, excuses, affection and pity

And write shitty poems about feeling shitty

Oh so fucking witty

 

I hate my brain, but it doesn’t matter

If I just pay it no mind it might get better

I can’t annoy people with all this nonsense

I don’t want to bother my friends

I’ll just stay home, locked away,

And who am I kidding, they never liked me anyway

 

I hate my brain because

it just won’t work and be what I want it to be

My Master, My tormentor, it has more power than me

I have things to do, work to get done,

I should take care of myself and try to have fun

I need to get up now, get it action,

But I’m just so tired, and everything’s a distraction

Focus

What dumb things did I do today

Focus

How many stupid things did I say

Fokus

If I wouldn’t live everything would be okay

FOCUS

I’m so tired, weary, exhausted,

Without doing anything all day that should be rewarded

Yes I am here, I dressed, I got out of bed

But that’s all and I’d rather be dead

 

I hate my brain, my body, my life,

What is it worth if all I do is survive?

Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas

Is to be completely erased from existance

I’m not suicidal, I think, I wouldn’t do it

But life’s something so fucking through with

And I’m only eightteen, I should have the best time

Bathe in life’s golden shine

Drink from honey fountains, and the sweetest wine

But all I do is cry and whine

If I don’t enjoy my youth I’m lazy

And soon I will miss school greatly

No teen can ever by depressed or damaged

I haven’t even met live’s real challenges

 

I hate my brain, I hate what it tells me

I want to be happy, and that’s why I’m angry

I feel betrayed

My golden years have been taken away

By some shit hormones or Neurotransmitters

I hate my brain, I feel so bitter

I reached rock bottom and tried to get up

Why didn’t I just stay down and give up

Would have saved me a lot of fuzz

Life feels like chasing the nights last bus,

I am my own lone Sisyphus

Climed up only to fall down this slip n slide

And I just googled “How to die”

I hate my brain I hate I hate

And I’m so tired of lifting this weight

I stabbed my toe on a bookshelf

It wouldn’t hurt if I killed myself

I spilled a drink at a school dance ball

No one would laugh if I ended it all

I hate my brain, but what can I do,

Because for me, that’s nothing new

 

 

 

 

All rights belong to its author. It was published on e-Stories.org by demand of Kat Mirabile.
Published on e-Stories.org on 03/14/2017.

 

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