Qayid Aljaysh Juyub

The delicious alternative: insect hummus

What to do if food prices continue to rise and you are not part of the dwindling number of non-civil servant wealthy citizens or state-subsidised functionaries? Don't despair, in the following I offer the low-cost alternative for the climate-neutral, underpriviledged good citizen.
So my obedient little citizens, who love to be exploited on the basis of hollow phrases and buy any bullshit from corrupt media, just use the natural resources and live -haha, literally- from the fat of the land.
First, the state-believing subject catches 500 g of beetles and 50 g of earthworms on a nearby meadow - lazier contemporaries or lower-class city dwellers may get cockroaches from various cellars as a substitute. The concreted area around one of the numerous wind turbines is not to be recommended, but there are many shredded bird carcasses from which the average wage earner can prepare delicious dishes at festive times.
Then the insectoid good citizen deposits his crawling prey in a kettle filled with 5000 ml of water and adds 5 teaspoons of salt. Then let the gaggle of insects come to the boil and simmer for 5 minutes. Now our bourgeois gourmet may drain the unfortunate small animals and put them into a suitable container.  Now we come to the earthworms, which are now to be roughly chopped up by the insect lover and then keep the beetles company.
By the way, the creepy-crawlies are also an excellent substitute for spaghetti, in case the chemical broth declared as vegan in the discounter is too expensive - if you are a member of the ecologically valuable elite, it doesn't matter to you, of course, because you can continue to afford top-quality products and really laugh at the stupid normal consumers. But on with the text!
Now our friends of the local flora are in demand. For lack of financial means, our gourmet now collects 10 nettles, washes them and cuts them up.  Then add 100 ml of affordable chemo-beer. Now the still rudimentarily wealthy petit bourgeois may use a blender or poorer state believers a suitable utensil and finely puree the whole mix. For the right consistency, you now need to fill up our treat for the materially and mentally poor with the aforementioned beer substitute (e.g. 'Full Whack' from Schiddl).
As hard as it is for me:

Bon appétit

© 2022 H.K.H Jeub

 

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Published on e-Stories.org on 02/16/2022.

 

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