Arash Farzaneh

Tidal Waves

The tide brought good news, a message from the gods in the guise of a
beautiful shining girl. When my eyes saw her in the multitude of crowds, I
recognized her instantly. I felt both supremely elated and a bit frightened by
the beautiful intensity of her dark mysterious eyes.

Her hand brushed up accidentally against mine. Already I felt lost and
enveloped in the future embrace of her arms and the soft kiss on my eyelids.
>From now on, the lips wordlessly replied, you will see with different eyes; you
will understand a secret that has been kept from you all those lonesome years.
Open them and look at me with renewed hope and tenderness. All the past
failures and miseries will dissolve and fall to the ground like dead leaves.

“You found me in the midst of confusion.”

The breeze gently swayed around her hair; my hand pushed aside a few
strains of stubborn stray hair out of her radiant face.

“You know it wasn’t an easy decision... for me,” she spoke softly.
I nodded wordlessly, overcome with emotion. It would be more difficult for me,
I thought. And all this time, all my thoughts will be with you.

“What if...” I commenced a sentence of wondrous possibilities that was
left hanging in the air, unfinished, quivering.

“We can’t think about that now. It’s important to be patient, to wait
and see...That was what you said, no?”

Those had been my words, yes. We always speak wise words before an
impending catastrophe; wise words to protect us from eventual possible
disaster. Wait and see...

The roses had closed to survive the winter months. Idle snowflakes
sought refuge on her hair, her cheeks, her winter coat, soft warm mittens. My
hands were freezing and I put them in my pockets.

“So you’re going to miss least a little bit?”

“From here to the North Pole, where penguins reside.” I looked her in
the eyes. “And you?”


“Will you miss me?” I asked her.

She nodded with her serious, misty eyes. “Don’t look so sad....I don’t
want to leave you like this....with your sad puppy look.”

I could not help it; I must have looked miserable. I tried to put on the
best smile I could under those circumstances. It must have looked pathetic.

Once I loved a young girl whom I met at the Aquarium. Her hand had
accidentally brushed against mine. She was a friend of a friend. I do not
believe in love at first sight, but whatever had been created the moment I
first saw her grew past and beyond the limits of affection. She was the melody
I used to hum to myself whenever I felt lonely and sad.

I guess she was attracted to me. Her definition of love was different
than mine. She had left behind her country and her ex-boyfriend. And now she
was returning to both.

“It’s not the end of the world. I really loved the time we spent
together...we had been great together, no? We have spent great times
together...And you knew it had to happen some day...We cannot escape these

We cannot escape these things. The claws of her once-upon-a-time lover
of a period of years had left deep scars on her body and mind. And the wild
lawless jungle and hot tropical weather of her Latin country incited her to
escape the cold wilderness of Canada. It was time to depart and to make old
things new. We cannot escape these things.

But. Yes we can....We can....if we choose to, if we make sacrifices...I
mean, call me crazy if you will, or an incurable romantic...I mean look at
me...hell...I’m not sure of anything...I doubt everything....I don’t know what
I will be doing with my life....I don’t even know what I will do tomorrow or in
ten minutes from now after you have walked through this gate....this gate that
I hate so much because it is taking you away from me....far away....

I know exactly what will happen despite of my illusions....I will be
restless...I will be walking around in circles like a madman...and people will
be scared of me...or astonished about this weird know me...I am
less mysterious to you than to all those other people....though I have closed
myself like petals …

and I gave you my open myself….I believe in
re-incarnations and I think we have met before, not once or twice but that we
are continually meeting each after endless cycle of
sadness and separation....but I want to end it...end it now....this awful unjust
cycle…I don’t want you to go...I want you to right beside me....

I have never said this to anyone but I will say it to
now....these trees my witness....they will confess that they wish they were
clouds so that they could roam to their beloved...that they could follow their
heart’s desire ...their dream of togetherness...but in the all depends...Well...I will let you go because I have

These were the words I wanted to address to her. But no words came out;
they were stuck in my throat; they refused; they turned into an obscure nervous
cough. I was afraid of losing her before letting her know all these things.
What if she misunderstood?

And if she took me for a complete fool or someone to kill time with
during her study period? What if it didn’t matter, in the end, what I felt or
how I felt about her? And if her selfishness divided us from each other, and
she would pursue her plans and his arms....under his eyes where she
would avow pledges and make promises …for him … his ears only. That thought
troubled me and throbbed through my veins like poison. Nothing is more
devastating than seeing the one you love in the arms of another....

We stood there in awkward silence, both lost in the train of our
thoughts. Each of us had parallel dreams that lived side by side, not merging.
The moment to part was coming closer. Time was running out on us. I hated time
with his arrogance; I hated his indifference to us. In an instant, all the beautiful
moments with her flashed through my mind.

Her childish laughter and her sudden seriousness. When her eyes were
laughing with joy that night when we drank wine together and she confessed to
me that our feelings were mutual. Promises that were spoken and unspoken. That
night when our greatest fear was that happiness will not last and we will need
to part one day because the past will run over the present and leave nothing

We hugged, and she cried silently on my shoulder. Every departure is a
little bit like death. But it was not death that parted us; it was life itself.

“I don’t want you to go,” I whispered into her ear.

“I have to...I want to...You know that.”

That moment I pictured us on Jupiter, walking slowly, with a dignified
slow pace down an aisle with hundreds of friends and relatives showering us
with flowers and wishing us eternal happiness with tears in their eyes. This
was not just the coming together of two lonely souls; it was a symbol of love
and what can be accomplished on this earth if one poured one’s heart and dreams
into it. Her arm was gently and comfortably entwined in mine, and her face was
radiating a warm happy glow. We did not need to look at each other because we
knew exactly how the other felt. Overwhelmed with all this, we felt completely
at home. These glimpses of a possible future, a lifelong pursuit, warmed my
heart and gave me hope in the midst of utter despair and confusion.

We stood there for a long, long time, defying the laws of time and
gravity. People were rushing around us, past us, with their suitcases and
luggage in hand, their boarding passes and their indicated destinations. They
had places to go, businesses to attend to; they were looking for warmth in
someone’s arms.

I had to let her go, gave her a hurried kiss, and turned around slowly,
slowly detaching myself from her eyes; she waved gently. With that image in my
head, I walked away from her, with the faint hope that she would maybe call out
my name.



"Tidal Waves" is a more or less biographical account about an ex-girlfriend of mine and the consequences of being an incurable romantic. At the time I felt extreme sadness and despair, but what I did not know was that there was true love waiting for me, in Mexico! That is where I met my wife and we are expecting our first child now! Authors comment


All rights belong to its author. It was published on by demand of Arash Farzaneh.
Published on on 07/29/2008.


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