Mohita Aggarwal

Screams of Guilt

I was home alone and it was raining cats and dogs. I was so restless, aimlessly gazing at the dull grey rain outside. My mind wandered to another rainy day when I lay on bed reading my brother Rahul’s letter. I had just returned to my hotel room in Ranchi after meeting Rahul at the mental institute. He wrote “I gave mom the longevity potion. I am responsible for her death.” This earth shattering news made me investigate how the potion reached mom.

My mother was beautiful and Rahul was obsessed with her. In our childhood days in Tatanagar I often caught him watch mom undress from his sacred hiding place. Rahul’s world started and ended with mom.

I left the duo to their relationship as I was in my own world of chemistry and Tina. I was doing PhD in Chemistry from Delhi University. My thesis was about testing the measure of a person’s chromosomes called telomeres, which scientists believe are the most accurate indicators of the speed at which a person is ageing. A simple blood test can show how fast someone is ageing. There was however something interesting happening as we were able to change the vital structure of telomeres with our miracle formulae. The results indicated that by making changes in telomeres a person could live longer. I decided to test the potion on Tina, my neighbour.

Tina, with her skin so white, sparkling green eyes, golden tinged hair was the nucleus of my existence. My chemistry with Tina was in my dreams - our lips met, our hands met, I got myself clicked with her in front of Taj Mahal, the most romantic building in the world. Too much dreaming made me completely ignorant to the fact that Tina was crazy about Rahul.

I knew my potion could do no harm to anyone so I called Tina home and handed it to her. “O Tina, take this potion and the earth shall not be deprived of your beauty for a very long time.” Tina kept the potion with her. She said to herself ‘how can I live so long without Rahul.’

Rahul got the potion and thanked Tina but he gave it to his mom – shame on all relationships and desires.

Next morning, my mother went to the bathroom and never returned. She had suffered a massive heart attack. Rahul has not spoken a word since mom’s death. Life has been visits to psychiatrists and mental institutes.

Bewildered and shocked after reading Rahul’s letter I blamed myself for his condition. Life was treating me cruelly just as nature was bestowing its cruelty on the trees and earth. The wind blowing was full of guilt.

Each morning I force my dreamy brain to come up with ideas how to convince Rahul that he is not responsible for mom’s death – it was an accident. The silent screams of guilt in my head keep me awake nights—I tell myself that caught in the boomerang of my own karma I could only redeem myself by being Rahul’s saviour.


All rights belong to its author. It was published on by demand of Mohita Aggarwal.
Published on on 06/24/2011.


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