Maria Theresia

S. M. poorly revised

Two hobos, Camillo and Jean, or shall we say homeless people are desperately trying to find shelter from the pondering rain. Finally they see a tree, a majestic one, big enough to sit under it. Giving the fact that perching under a tree is not the most exciting thing to do, not even for some dirty scumbags like the two of them, they decide to pass the time somehow. But what on earth are two hobos, sitting under a tree, supposed to do when they don’t have anything to do? Are they planning to take over the world in a bloody and terrifying feast of hobo-cruelty? Shall they discuss about the meaning of life, the origin of all species? Shall they discuss the magnificence of Chuck Norris, the master of the world, space and television? Big talk for two hobos, sitting under a tree… Finally they come to a conclusion. Instead of having a subliminal and utterly sophisticated talk about all that stuff they decide to have a nice chit-chat together.

(Introducing Camillo and Jean)

Camillo: Nice place to sit on, right?
Jean: No, but I guess I have to sit it out nevertheless. There is nothing I can do about it anyway!
C: That’s not true my dear Jessie. You could have a nice sit-in. You could be a rebel!
J: I can’t.
Camillo: Why not?
J: I am not rebellious, besides I am tired of sitting. Let’s go.
C: Where to, John?
J: Anywhere! I am tired of being in the middle of nowhere!
C: Now, where shall we go to in your opinion?
J: Anywhere!
C: My dear Jake, you’re confusing me!
J: Am I?
C: Yes, Jay, you are!
J: I am sorry. 
C: Never mind. Let’s go!
J: Where to?
C: Back to the roots Jerome!
J: I don’t like roots, not even beetroots. I cannot support them.
C: What about canned roots?
J: Non, pas du tout?
C : What did you say Jean?
J: No, I don’t like them at all. That was French.
C: Ain’t no Frenchie. Can’t follow you! Je ne parle pas un mot de français !
J : Alright then. I want to eat beetroots.
C: There are no beets, no roots, you just have to face it, Jacob!
J: This is a farce!
C: Why do you think so Jeremy?
J: I was just thinking about a farce. Something pastries are filled with in France. Stuffing in English!
C: Ah. I see.
J: You cannot see it. I am not talking about a real farce. It’s only part of my imagination.
C:  Ah, then I don’t see it.
J: You got it.
C: Got what?
J: You got my point.
C: Did I? Well that doesn’t surprise me: I always get the point, Jim!
J: Right.
C: Left or right? Which direction?
J: It doesn’t matter.
C: Why not?
J: It’s a matter of orientation. You always pick the right direction.
C: Good.  So we aren’t lost?
J: No we aren’t. I am lost and YOU are lost, but we aren’t lost.
C: What are we going to do?
J: Tell me!
C: Go? Yes let’s go home! That’s the right thing to do.
J: We can’t.
C: Why not?
J: We are homeless people.
C: Right.
J: See? You always pick the right direction!
C: What’s wrong with it?
J: It’s not the right thing to do.
C: But, what’s the right thing to do?
J: I don’t know. Nobody knows.
C: God, help us!
J: He doesn’t know what to do either.
C: Does God even exist?
J: I don’t know. Maybe.
C: Then there is some hope at last.
J: It’s hopeless.
C: Right.
J: You seem to be a very righteous person.
C: Indeed. I always do and say the right thing, Jonas!
J: Right.
C: Are you on the right side, too now?
J: I don’t know. I cannot answer this question right now.
C: When are you going to answer it then?
J: I’ll answer it sometime.
C: Some time ago I sat under a tree with another desperate soul. His name was Jean. 
J: That’s a stupid name, is it French?
C: Yes it is Jeremy. You’re right.
J: What did you do?
C: Talking.
J: About what?
C: About everything.
J: What did you say?
C: A lot.
J: And what did he say?
C: Nothing.
J: Nothing? But you were talking to each other right?
C: No, I was talking to myself. He was mute.
J: Poor thing.
C: He wasn’t a thing. He was a human being. I bet he had a lot to say.
J: But he was mute!
C: You can also say something without words, Jamie. 
J: For instance?
C: Unspoken thoughts.
J: Ah.
C: Right. Can we go now?
J:  Maybe. Let’s find a tacit agreement.
C: But how do we know if the other one’s ready to leave?
J: By uttering our non spoken thoughts for example.
C: Don’t leave me!
J: I thought you wanted to leave?
C: But not without you.
J: You can’t.
C: Why not?
J: We stay here.
C: Why so?
J: I just uttered my non-spoken agreement. Didn’t you hear it?
C: Hear what?
J: ( pauses). That!
C: I didn’t hear anything.
J: It was a tacit agreement.
C: Ah, right.
J: Right.
C: What are we doing here?
J: I don’t know.
C: What do you know?
J: Nothing.
C: Then you already know something.
J: Maybe. I don’t know.
C: You’re repeating yourself.
J: Am I?
C: Yes, yes you are.
J: Yes, yes indeed. You are right! I am sorry.
C: No problem.
J: Problem’s solved then?
C: I don’t know!
J: Do not repeat my sentences.
C: I won’t.
J: Promise it. Swear it.
C: I don’t know. I don’t like swearing.
J: Why not? It’s the only right thing to do!
C: No, you cannot use swear words.
J: No?
C: Hell, no, Jeremiah.
J: Alright then. Let’s go.
C: Let’s go.
J: You’re repeating my sentences again. You swore an oath.
C: I didn’t. I don’t ever swear. Let’s go!
J: Oh just let go!


All rights belong to its author. It was published on by demand of Maria Theresia.
Published on on 01/02/2013.


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