Andre M. Pietroschek

One Seance to fool 'em All! - The Sleepover (horror comedy)

One Seance to fool 'em All! - The Sleepover
© Andre M. Pietroschek, all rights reserved


Disclaimer, of sorts: No warranties! The fun a ghostly apparition can have, when the next bunch of horny teenagers, or young adults at college, start dabbling around an Ouija board. No warranties, no guarantees, reading this text does not promise you any life after death either.  ;-)
 

Trigger warnings:
Sexism
Vulgar language
Rude language
Truth


The story begins:

Ghost: “My first Seance went awry, I admit that straight from the start. It had to, because those teenage dolts did know nothing of occultism, and God denied to protect such a stupid bunch of horror movie addicts. What happened? Well, they tried hard to mimic aka ape an Ouija board session, just as they had seen it on TV, or in some form of cinema. I died recently, so I know what computers and smartphones can deliver these days. If it is still those days, hard to keep track when the black void only spits us back on call.

Oh, apologies. I drifted off-topic. So, what happened was the teenage dolts, high on alcohol and drugs they were never supposed to try at all, called and called while moving their fingers across that silly merchandise piece of sales junk. 

After around twenty minutes of babbling about their horny, unresolved sexual fallacies & whatever pop-culture BS their indoctrination had made seem worthwhile, the youngsters came up with their smartest investigative shot.”

Teenagers: “Are you the ghost of an Evil Neo-Nazi, eager to get us all killed?”

Ghost: “No, just aware that you underestimated the effect of imminent death on absolutely everything in life.”

Gas ventilation starts malfunctioning, air conditioning fails, and electricity cables start to scorch and burn. It happens. Why? Because those dumb-ass kids did neither choose a proper place, nor any safeguards, and while they all blamed the Ouija board, it was their frantic demands, that made our new lord give a kind of final STFU to each of them. Grim Reaper, not the Devil. They were punished for disturbing the eternal peace of the Dead. So, the usual followed along. Shocked parents, in utter denial of how severely they had neglected their puberty spawn for years, police investigation, and the academic sermon about how that all is totally explained by science. With zero closure and zero results, those overpaid blokes finally withdrew again, and my second Seance came to be!

It was the smart one, the college version of one of the killed teenagers.The older sister.”

Female Voice: “Spirit, spirit, reveal to me what got these teenagers killed.”

Ghost: “Where is the 'no effing way button' on that wooden trash board you juggle there?”

“Ouch!” The Sexy dropped to the ground, unconscious, while I stared at her tits and 
some other highly spiritual forms of sexism went unseen (except by God, I once 
believed). 

Exploding headaches, when that pseudo-telepathic communication starts unexpectedly. On the other hand, being beyond death, it is not my fault that people often forget ghosts do NOT have tongues, nor any breathing apparatus left to talk, as living humans do. Around twenty minutes later, she woke up again and glared in my direction until I stopped studying her boobs.

Female Voice: “Tell me the Truth!”

Ghost: “Life is harder than it seems, and Death often comes in unexpected ways..?”

Female Voice: “About the Deceased!”

Ghost: “They meddled, they demanded, the powers they called forth had to do with the ventilation and electricity going awry, the toxic smoke dropped them dead. Not one of them became a ghost.”

Female Voice, shocked: “But, that is just, as the insurance agent and police had noted.”

Ghost: “I am exceptionally certain they did not tell me about it, dear.” - Once more, I was caught being more interested in staring at her boobs than playing the helpful spooky.Female Voice: “Oh, there is one thing you could do, which really, really would make me want to do a striptease for you.”

Ghost: “Hui, trapping me with my sexism working against me, had a semester, or ten, in psychology, eh?”

Female Voice: “If you help me, I swear to God, I will call you again and do that striptease for you!”

Ghost: “Ah, the grief and sorrow pathway. So, Mister Campus Rapist follows your poor sister's tragic way out, and I get a boner I can no longer have? Cute, fair enough.”

Female Voice: “How did you know?”

Ghost: “Empathetic feedback loop, Grace of God, look into the future. Select the most convincing.”

Female Voice: “Oh.”

Ghost: “When you wake up, drive to the campus and call me again. Try, not to run into security, and do your prayers, in case you believe in God still being in command on that slim line between homicide and preemptive strikes.”

To me, everything went black and numb again. I was offed. Later, supposedly not much later, I was called back, the stench of grass and artificial watering in the minds of animals and humans alike, from all around. She had fallen unconscious again. My arrival reflecting my lifetime luck with women. LOL

Ghost: “Put that boob blocker jacket around your arm, witless next prey of the campus rapist.” She did, quickly catching up with what I intended to do.

Ghost, continuing: “Run away from ground zero, when I go for him. - I did like her way of making sure that no other woman would be raped, although I had not the slightest idea, if ghostly affairs can get away with it.”

The bad guy looked so harmless, so shockingly normal. As if being mundane was a trick to brainwash witnesses around. For me, it was quite easy. Observe, rush, and stay close. Does not need 3 seconds to drop any unprotected mortal dead, when a ghost made of nothing but death manifests.

 

Female Voice: “Spirit, spirit...”

Ghost: “She kept her word. And: I learned that my new boner is transparent.”

 


THE END, until fan-funding, equalizes another dare-devil calling: “Spirit!, spirit!”  ;-)

 



Not yet fully remade, but trigger warnings are added, a video about it is cost free in my PRIVATE aka not-
monetized Youtube account, too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSBbKy5mSu0
Authors comment

All rights belong to its author. It was published on e-Stories.org by demand of Andre M. Pietroschek.
Published on e-Stories.org on 01/25/2024.

 
 

Comments of our readers (0)


Your opinion:

Our authors and e-Stories.org would like to hear your opinion! But you should comment the Poem/Story and not insult our authors personally!

Please choose

Previous title Next title

More from this category "Growing Up" (Short Stories in english)

Other works from Andre M. Pietroschek

Did you like it?
Please have a look at:


Liber Kiffmet — An Occult Dream Gone Weird - Andre M. Pietroschek (Drugs and Addiction)
Pushing It - William Vaudrain (General)