Jonathon Graham

The Angel

I looked down at my feet, unable to recall what events led me to this point. Me on this unforgiving cement in this unforgiving group of people. But there she was. somehow i had managed to look up at her, only to feel like i should have looked away. But i was lost, i saw the beauty radiate from every exposed piece of skin. She was beautiful, and the sun only intensified the effect to my mere human eyes. I quickly looked away during a blink. I felt embarrassed to be in her presence. And i felt so improper next to her. My horrendous human figure on the right hand of this perfect angel. The angel who seemed to heal every wound when she was around, and reopen them when she left.
I continued to look at this beauty only to realize i was her beast. The pathetic animal that is supposed to be her's forever. Or so the stories have told me. I couldn't understand what made me special to her. It feels like its been a lifetime since than, and its still something i can't comprehend. While i began to think of the horrid, wretched memories, my hand reached for comfort. I became aware that i had reached for hers. I let my hand rest in hers and i felt as though every scar, every pain, and every sin the hand had commited had vanished. It felt so pure, and i felt so human. She was an angel, she was MY angel.
I began to hold onto her as my fingers traced every detail of the hand. From the soft palm, to the sweet tips that felt so pure and holy. She was mine, and for a time, i was lost in the beauty of such a simple item as the hand. I felt as though my hand was no longer mine, but hers. To forever hold and to forever be blessed with the purity of the holder's heart. Only the cold touch deceived me. The hand felt frozen, as though the heat of anger, rage, and hate had never once been placed in this vessel. And i was happy.
Words began to drip from my tongue as honey, offering only words with the sweetest meanings and best intentions. Than 3 words slipped, words that could never cover what she meant to me. Words that made me feel foolish and afraid, not for their meaning, but for the impact they may have on the Angel's heart. But she looked at me, with her beautiful stormed blue eyes. I felt frozen, too afraid to move, and deathly frightened that i had scared her. I held the hand tighter as she repeated the words that reflected the beauty and purity of the speaker. 'I love you', she had whispered.
I could swear my heart had failed me, because it had slowed to stillness. The possibility that these words had been directed toward me was improbable, impossible. A holy figure as her did not deserve the disrespect that a devil would offer. I silently let a tear overflow my eye. 'This isn't for me, its not what she deserves', I had thought. I knew i was right, but the reality hadn't sunk in. This was for me, and it was exactly what i wanted.
I felt compelled to hold her until death should we have parted, but i was foolish. I merely stood and wrapped her in my arms. I felt as my hand touched the shirt that covered this beauty's body. I felt my heart slow and accelerate at too fast a rate. But I felt happy, I was whole again.
My hands were instinctive, and they knew this was an angel. They reached for her wings. They needed them, they needed to know it was ok and that someone was looking out for me. I reach at the shoulder blades where her Heavenly wings should have been waiting for me. They weren't there and my heart was shattered.
I desperately held onto her denying that she was not an angel. 'She's my angel, MY perfect angel. She has to be' I finally gave in to cruel reality. I held her head to my neck and let tears stream from my eyes as disappointment flooded my body. She had to be holy, she was so perfect. I needed her to never let go, to tell me i was going to be ok. I needed her to love me, forever and ever.
 She never has, never will, and never could love a beast such as me.


All rights belong to its author. It was published on by demand of Jonathon Graham.
Published on on 04/12/2009.


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